Arriving late at night and looking dishevelled, I stepped out of my taxi feeling extremely out of place. It was a Thursday night and there were all these chic and trendy looking people on the steps outside; girls in fur coats and high heels. I could hear music coming from inside the building. Then there was ME. In jeans and flat hair and no makeup.. accompanied by my unglamorous red suitcase.

Reminding myself that “no, I don’t look like this NORMALLY”, I proceeded to check in and resigned myself to a night in to rest up before meeting with friends the next day.

But hey at least I had pretty alright shoes (they’re Topshop, if you’re wondering).

Funny masks are provided in every room. So is an iMac that has all the info you need, including maps and a list of recommended bars/restaurant/shops in the neighbourhood (Charonne) and Paris in general. Plus a whole load of TV channels.

And.. there’s also free porn! LOTS of it, at no extra charge. I had a good browse and noticed they included gay porn too. All bases covered huh!

There wasn’t much of a view, but it was so good to have that whole big comfy bed to myself after having had to share, before coming to Paris.

I spent the first morning indulging myself in a super-long shower followed by lots of lounging around naked and I took my time moisturising every inch of my body. It’s important!

Left: Reception area // Right: The bar

The shelves on the left contain a whole assortment of fun things you can buy to make your stay a little more vibrant. They include party packs, toys, novelty items, more masks, and some arty things that you’ll want to have despite them being of no real use. I’m certain there was a section with some actually useful stuff as well..

The pizzeria’s meant to be really good. I didn’t manage to eat there though – I was too eager to go out and stuff my face with all the French food I could find.

I did however spend one night at the restaurant/bar. The music was excellent and the vibe upbeat! It seemed to be frequented by a lot of the local residents/Parisians, which I really enjoyed.

WHAT’S YOUR ROOM NUMBER?

We bumped (literally) into a loud, over-confident French chick who looked somewhat like Alex Vause from Orange is the New Black. She was SO BOLD. She ‘introduced’ herself to me by grabbing my arm, with a too-enthusiastic HEYYYYYYY. No holds barred, she proceeded to ask my friend (female) and I if we were sleeping with each other – but in a much, much more direct manner than how I’m describing it here (use our imagination).

Then she invited us to Mexico.
Why? Because she and her friends were going in two weeks.
Why?  Because, she’s getting married to a man, who knows she is gay, but doesn’t seem to mind, although he’s not aware that she’s still sleeping with girls. That’s what I got from it anyway!

“So why are you getting married???”

“Why not?? It’s fun!!”

That was it. I liked her.

We hung out with her and her friends, who all worked in TV (although at that point I didn’t know what to believe anymore). She couldn’t stop trying to find out our room number. She would slyly insert, mid-conversation, totally irrelevantly – so what’s your room number?

I found it soooooo hilarious. SHE was freaking hilarious. Made my night!

PLAYTIME IN BED

They had these lights.. probably some kind of utility lights with long cords, but they provided lots of entertainment, especially with the mirrors on opposing walls. Simple pleasures!

We must’ve spent two hours just fooling around on the bed with these props. Such kids!
AH! That’s just it – the hotel’s tagline is ‘Mama Loves You’!

Here are a couple of videos we recorded (very silly):

Four nights in that room went by in no time! Melissa left day earlier, so I got another night on my own to bring out my inner teenager and giggle at some super-cheesy porn movies. And enjoy some nude sleeping.

Oh! You can also take pictures and videos of yourself using the iMac camera and send it to Mama.. or yourself via email.

Everything was fab – location, service, ambience, food, entertainment – save for a weird technical glitch that interfered with my porn watching the iMac screen sometimes which was never fixed (probably a good thing).

I stayed in a Mama Luxe room. Prices from €109.

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